Another Endangered Species?

Around the lonely campfires and in the lager beer saloons west of the Mighty Mississippi, grizzled locals have regaled the visiting Eastern tenderfoot for years with tales of the Great Horned Lepus (Lepus Carnivorinae Anteoculini), the elusive antlered rabbit of the West, a creature able to so convincingly mimic the human voice that it has for two hundred years easily misdirected and evaded most would-be pursuers by the timely use of phrases such as “There he goes! That way!”   This legendary bunny is native to European woodlands, where it is known variously as the raurackl, rasselbock, and the wolpertinger. Thought to have been introduced to the Americas by Bavarian immigrants Alfons and Erika Hirsch in the 17th Century, the creature was christened “Jackalope” by Western frontiersmen bemused by its eccentric appearance, an apparent cross between a jackrabbit and an antelope.

I mention the etiology of the horned hare because of its curious similarity to another creature not yet proved to be native to North America–the Barack Obamalope.  Like the antlered Lepus, the Obamalope is a hybrid inordinately fond of  preening before its fellows. The Obamalope exhibits as well an equally extraordinary talent for mimicry, having imitated a national leader for over 24 months while cleverly avoiding remandment to a domicile for Napoleonic-complexed delusionals. First heard in the state of Illinois during the summer of 2004, the dulcet call of the Red Obamalope has since deceived millions into following paths that lead directly into boxed canyons from whence they provide mandatory sustenance for the Obamalope’s predatory kin.  While many observers still defend the Obamalope’s often bizarre behavior as providing a necessary check and balance to the excesses of the less socially inclined within his dominion, others suspect he is even more of a danger to the native habitat than his free ranging neighbors.  The Obamalope is fond of play and will readily abandon his mundane daily routine to undertake long and pointless journeys. Normally passive and apologetic, he has, however, recently displayed a disorganized extraterritorial aggressiveness that has alarmed his natural allies.  This sudden disruption in habitual modes of conduct has given rise to speculation that the Red Obamalope may be on the verge of becoming an endangered species.

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About Bob Mack

Retired since 2003. Military Service: U.S. Army, 36th Artillery Group, Babenhausen, Germany 1966-67; 1st Signal Brigade, Republic of Vietnam, 1967-68 Attended University of Miami, 1969-73
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16 Responses to Another Endangered Species?

  1. bob says:

    An endangered species? From your lips to God’s ears.

  2. TexasFred says:

    My kids are grown now, with kids of their own, but when my Son was 3 or 4 I brought his a stuffed Jackalope home…

    The LEGEND lives! 😛

    • Bob Mack says:

      I guess you know, Fred, that the Jackalope was almost trapped into extinction in Texas by angry ranchers who’d had many head of cattle gutted due to the horny hare’s habit of hopping beneath the herd.

  3. Angel says:

    Obama lope ha was locked out of the WH!..bwhahaha!

  4. AFVET says:

    Maybe Obama would consider placing a Jackalope where the bust of Winston Churchill stood before he sent it back to the Brits.
    Or,… Obama could have the head mounted and claim he shot it in Brazil !!!
    Or,… he could claim he ate one in Brazil.
    Or,… he could claim he loves this country, and, out of consideration take the American Flag lapel pin off his suit.
    By now, I realize that that is a slap in the face to us patriots and veterans.
    He doesn’t deserve to wear our Flag.

  5. Bob Mack says:

    Peter Ferrara on America’s Accelerating Downward Spiral:

    President Obama got elected in part laughing over how he would solve the Iranian nuclear problem with his brilliant insight of just talking to Iran. Now in the third year of his Administration, none of that has amounted to anything. Obama said himself during the 2008 campaign that nuclear arms in the hands of such madmen would be “unacceptable,” but that just turned out to be more boob bait for bubbas, as so much else of Obama’s 2008 rhetoric.

    […] What this all adds up to is that America faces an existential crisis today as grave as World War II, the Civil War, and, indeed, the original American Revolution itself. The year 2012 may well be the last chance to save our nation from ruin.

  6. Matt says:

    I wonder where the reliance on the teleprompter comes in?

    • Bob Mack says:

      Evening, Matt. The Obamalope is incapable of independent thought. Ergo, the vagueness and stuttering whenever he’s forced to ad lib. I did a post a while back (“Sure He’s Ruining The Country…But He Has Such A Nice Smile“) taking the backsliding Michael Medved to task for what I thought was a particularly idiotic column (which he then followed up with an even stupider one) more or less in defense of the Boy Blunder. Obama’s the first American Idol president & his gleaming grin is, IMHO, mainly why people voted for him. The modern American electorate is, sad to say, as dumb as a bag of bricks.

  7. samhenry says:

    It’s rare when you see an animal pursuing it’s own extinction with avengeance but then Obama is a control freak. His natural habitat is seeing demise – not many bath houses of the stripe to which he is accustomed to meeting other horny types.

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