Microwaving Judge Judy

Unpack the tin foil hats, Scully. They’re out there…

…evil geniuses in crisp, white lab coats, beaming clandestine signals into the heads of the unwary from top secret hidden facilities. And into just whose unwitting skulls are these nefarious psycho-rays being directed? Which enemies of the American state have been targeted for mental attack by the Pentagon’s crack team of manipulative occult brain-bombers? Osama bin Laden? Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Muammar Gadaffi?  Why, no–it’s Judge Judy:

Are U.S. Government Microwave Mind-Control Tests Causing TV Presenters’ Brains To Melt Down?The Mail Online

A bizarre spate of television presenters dissolving into on-air gibberish has sparked claims that the U.S. military could be to blame.

In four high-profile cases, the latest involving fast-talking Judge Judy, the presenters have started off speaking properly but have then descended into undecipherable nonsense – looking confused and unstable.

[…] A popular theory being circulated online blames the U.S. Military’s supposed research into using microwaves as a mind control weapon.

America has never admitted conducting such research but proponents say the effects – produced by microwave signals stimulating the brain with fake images and voices – exactly mimic those displayed in the recent on-air breakdowns.

As to why the Pentagon might be targeting U.S. television presenters, the microwave theorists are less clear.

Here’s another popular hypothesis: if a decent military microwaving causes confusion, instability, and the uncontrolled babbling of undecipherable nonsense, then the entire Democratic Party is under attack.

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About Bob Mack

Retired since 2003. Military Service: U.S. Army, 36th Artillery Group, Babenhausen, Germany 1966-67; 1st Signal Brigade, Republic of Vietnam, 1967-68 Attended University of Miami, 1969-73
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9 Responses to Microwaving Judge Judy

  1. GA says:

    well, this certainly explains Cynthia McKinney.

    • Bob Mack says:

      GA, I believe McKinney must’ve been irradiated when she was still an egg.

      “Sometimes a politician is so aggressively stupid it simply becomes a moral obligation to point it out, for fear the contagion will spread. Now is such a moment. I am referring, of course, to one of America’s most pugnaciously ignorant politicians — Rep. Cynthia McKinney of Georgia.”

      –Jonah Goldberg in the National Review

  2. Matt says:

    And all this time, I thought liberals were just naturally idiots.

    • Bob Mack says:

      I don’t think you can get that dumb without help, Matt.

      • Now hang on there, Bob. I live way outside the US Military microwave zone so I am living proof that it is possible to come by extreme dumbness naturally, There are plenty of people out there that think I say things just as dumb as any Democrat.

        • Bob Mack says:

          Ha. Jim, nobody spouts idiocies like a Democrat, not even me. I introduce into evidence the following:

          “African Americans watch the same news at night that ordinary Americans do.”–Bill Clinton

          “I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President.”–Former First Lady Hillary Clinton

          “God bless the America we are trying to create.”–Ibid

          ”It was also interesting to see that political interaction in Europe is not that different from the United States Senate. There’s a lot of — I don’t know what the term is in Austrian, wheeling and dealing.”
          —Barack Obama, confusing German for ”Austrian,” a language which does not exist

          ”The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries.”–Ibid

          ”Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number-one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S, jobs.”—Joe Biden

          And my personal favorite:

          “Stand up and take a bow Chuck!”–Joe Biden to Chuck Graham, who is confined to a wheelchair

  3. TexasFred says:

    Rule #1, if you expect an attack of the evil microwave, always carry a Hershey bar in your shirt pocket…

    If it starts to melt, the microwave attack has begun…

    Rule #2, NEVER put a cat in a microwave and turn it on… 😦

  4. Would this theoretically be akin to rendering the amino acids in the brain into insoluble denatured proteins? Are the military scrambling eggs in people’s brains. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your brain. This is your brain on military microwaves…”

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