The Warren Report: Fauxcahontas Walks The Trail Of Jeers

For Elizabeth Warren — Harvard Law School progressive, self-proclaimed Cherokee maid, and Oklahoma house flipper — the path to Chappaquiddick Teddy’s old Senate seat has turned into a Trail of Jeers.  Even her Tribe has disowned her, despite the compelling evidence she has presented in support of her claim of membership:

…Warren was listed in the early 1990s as a minority professor at Harvard University, but the only proof Warren has of her claim of 1/32nd Cherokee blood is family stories about high cheek bones …

To liberal kemosabes like Bernie Quigley, however, Fauxcahontas isn’t Right, so she can’t be wrong, even were her cheekbones somewhat less lofty. Mr. Q has penned what might be the single most cloying piece of exculpatory New Age pabulum since the heyday of the old San Francisco Oracle :

“Elizabeth Warren might be excused for wanting to be Native American. She can claim an old American soul, going back generations in Oklahoma. In the heartland it is almost universal for those who have been there for a few generations to claim Indian blood; that is, to wish it were there even if it isn’t. It is not so much a lie as it is the acculturation of personal and regional American myth; the fabric of old-soul American consciousness. “Our spirit will walk among you,” said Chief Joseph. Indeed it does.”

So the “old American soul” of Fauxcahontas isn’t really a lie, you see — it’s merely “personal mythology”, and thus quite acceptable to card-carrying Progressives and other idiots.  But the academic advantages Lizzie received by claiming it are not so ethereal, not in this era of unconstitutional “affirmative actions”:

A second law school, the University of Pennsylvania, has touted Elizabeth Warren as a minority faculty member in an official school publication, according to an online document obtained by the Globe.

… The reference offers another piece of evidence that Warren was identified as a Native American as part of her professional career. Warren has said she was unaware that Harvard University, her current employer, had described her as a Native American when it was under fire for a lack of diversity on its law school faculty.

On the other hand, Lizzie has demonstrated an intimate knowledge of Cherokee cookery, as evidenced by her contributions to 1984’s Pow Wow Chow cookbook … uh, wait a minute:

Two of the possibly plagiarized recipes, said in the Pow Wow Chow cookbook to have been passed down through generations of Oklahoma Native American members of the Cherokee tribe, are described in a New York Times News Service story as originating at Le Pavilion, a fabulously expensive French restaurant in Manhattan. The dishes were said to be particular favorites of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and Cole Porter.

Well, you can’t make a genuine Cherokee Crab Omelette without breaking a few eggs. Isn’t it just possible that Lizzie belongs to that long-lost branch of Cherokees, rumored to still exist in the old Montmartre section of Paris along with a few octogenarian Apache dancers?  Of course, that effectively eliminates her “old American soul” as an excuse for serial prevarication, but it keeps open a possible seat as diversity chef on The Chew if the senatorial thing doesn’t work out.

See also: Elizabeth Warren’s punchline problem